How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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