The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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