blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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