I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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