Tell her she can't have a vagina
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
