Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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