Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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