I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
