my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
