Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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