Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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