You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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