Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
