Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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