If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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