He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
