Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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