just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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