I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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