I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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