Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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