worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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