we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
