I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize