so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
