So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He? As in you personified your dick?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize