i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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