I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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