before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
50% drunk capacity currently
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
