if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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