I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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