I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Dick very happy bro
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
