im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize