Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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