I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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