So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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