my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize