Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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