Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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