Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
