There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
