Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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