Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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