He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
