Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
