I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My cat gives me a boner
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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