where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
