have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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