Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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