I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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