so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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