Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
