i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
