no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
