you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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