I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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