i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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