not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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