I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
