A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
