so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
