I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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